October…..

It’s been a while since I blogged.  Life’s been busy, leaving my well paid job which I had for 10 years and taking the plunge and setting up in business myself.  Then there’s the parting company with angel Wings Baby and Child Loss support and going it alone as The Baby James Legacy life’s been really full on.

But now it’s fast approaching October. Once upon a time October was my favourite month of the year.  First of all it’s my birthday month, what’s not to love there.  Then I’m more of an autumn person.  I love the cold crisp mornings, the trees changing colours, the autumn sun.

Two years ago I was in full “October” mode, I’d had a brilliant birthday with my football friends, I’d had a lovely weekend in Glasgow with my eldest daughter then a lovely Sunday lunch with my youngest and my beautiful grandson James. Between family and friends life was good.  No it was better than that life was great.  Then on the 10th October our lives changed forever.  James went to bed, a happy healthy little 16 month boy, but never woke up.  SUDC has struck our family.

Now October is the month of death, a reminder of everything we have lost.  We are approaching the 2nd anniversary and I’ve this horrible feeling of dread.  I’m sure a lot of people will be thinking, it’s 2 years, you need to get over it.  But how does anyone do that.  Yes life goes on.  In many ways normal service has resumed in my family.  I go to work, football, meet friends and have fun sometimes, my daughters are at uni, making me proud.  But still there is that feeling, especially near anniversaries of sadness, of loss.

So if anyone is reading this, and have suffered a loss, I think what I’m saying is, yes it’s ok to feel sad, it’s ok not to be ok sometimes.  But let your friends and family know. After all they are the people who will lift you up.  Never feel ashamed of grieving.  There is no time restrictions on grief.  Sometimes I wish there was…..